Forty Years To Life - AS Esq.

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Forty Years To Life - AS Esq.

“One must possess oneself, and be alone in possession of oneself.”

We can’t take care of others of we don’t take care of ourselves; in a relationship, a family or a friendship — A supreme challenge of life is reconciling the longing to fulfill ourselves in union, in partnership, and in love. Writing helps me reconcile that longing. I open my space to others to express themselves, to carve out a little time to say their ‘peace’

AS Esq.,

4-0, UM OK?

Last time I submitted a piece; I was counting down to 39! Oh how my days have changed! …

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Checking In. Checking On.

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Checking In. Checking On.

I had a friend check in with me this week. We spoke about (me) having a good week and hitting all my ‘metrics’ — Meditation, prayer, exercise, reading, water, sleep and I checked in/checked on some folks while minding my business. They in turn discussed the challenges they faced and asked how I outwardly manage to hold things together.  

I am hopeful, despite my circumstances, because I choose to be happy.

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Life Changes - The Outro

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Life Changes - The Outro

BREATHE.

Collectively, we have lost a lot over the past two years. The interconnectedness of Covid and other Life Changes owe us a check.

A commonality among the featured essays’ has been full autonomy. Whatever the experience, and/or how it is viewed— The art of self-regulation reads strong. Strengthening our sense of self by exposing and eliminating our inner conflicts. Writing (can) help facilitate that.

These conflicts consist of feeling unloved, deprived, betrayed, helpless, and on and on til’ the break of dawn.

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Life Changes - AS Esq.

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Life Changes - AS Esq.

Oh Hey 39, Can We Do a Take 2?

Anger, loneliness, fear, anxiety, deep happiness, burning frustration…none of the adjectives I thought I’d be using to describe my world at 39 but the first ones that popped into my head.

You see at 39, I thought I’d be prepping in a big way for 40! I always viewed 39 as the pre-game for the big 4-0, where you line all up the fabulous things to fete at forty. Husband, kids, house, car, and travel points racked up. I’m supposed to be planning a girls' trip to somewhere luxurious or a big 40th!

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Life Changes - Nikks

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Life Changes - Nikks

“Love is the one game you lose by refusing to play.”

I heard that quote a very long time ago, I think on Ally McBeal… is my age showing? I think that we can replace the word “love” with the word “life.” I’ve realized if you don’t live in the dash, you lose.

It’s a simple rule, 19xx - 20xx, the dash between birth and expiration.

That dash is your life.

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Life Changes - Tracey

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Life Changes - Tracey

I did things kind of late in life but it seemed like the timeline was only in my head.

When I moved to Washington, D.C. to start grad school at 27, I looked at my cohort of 23 and 24 year olds and thought “ya’ll some babies!!” I had a whole career before going back for another degree but being on the cusp of 30 was making me feel like I had more life experience, more maturity and more to lose when it came to doing well in my program. Failure wasn't an option.

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Life Changes - Me

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Life Changes - Me

Meeting People Where They Are

Over the past five years, I have connected with truly remarkable people. Our lives go better connecting with those who help us evolve into our higher selves. Life has taught me to see the best in people, and it’s driven me mental when people see the worst in me. Life should say show them the best in themselves because they forget that. Self-improvement is a two-way street.

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Life Changes - Lisa

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Life Changes - Lisa

The loneliness hits in waves that never last for long, just long enough to remind me of what I'm missing. But am I really missing anything or anyone or am I just bored? Was I just looking for someone to fill a void I was perfectly capable of filling myself?

My guy died about nine months before the world shut down for Covid. I was in no rush to start a new relationship and lockdown gave me the perfect excuse. The pandemic gave me two years to entertain the idea of a relationship while flirting with men I had no intention of meeting. Dating apps are not for the faint of heart and AOL dating is the worst.

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Life Changes - Angela

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Life Changes - Angela

Life 10 years ago was so full of hope, fully believing that although I’d missed the mark of gaining life’s expected treasures ie. marriage, kids, perfect career, and house, I still had time to gain them and life as I had dreamed would/could still be grand. Then reality hit. Hard. I got married. And most days it was not a bed of roses. More like thorns. Had children who are now teens. And if I could put them back . . . . nevermind. Purchased a house and even that wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. It turned into a house of horrors. All that to say- things that I thought would make me happy, fill my inner spirit, and bring me complete joy had done anything but. Fast forward to this year, years later, and I’m still unhappy. But, I’m on a different journey now.

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Life Changes - Tamara

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Life Changes - Tamara

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven”

— Ecclesiastes 3:1

You can log on to Twitter on any given Friday night and see a multitude of tweets about being “washed” on a Friday night. One day a couple of months back, I saw a tweet by a 40+ year old man admonishing his peers to stop being “boring” and “washed”. His logic was that we’re at the age where we can afford to travel, enjoy a night at the lounge and participate in other new experiences. He took issue with his peers being content with “just chillin’ in the house.” For what it’s worth, this guy is unmarried and childless. While I slightly agree with him, I’d like to offer a more balanced perspective.

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Life Changes - William

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Life Changes - William

So, Tram asked us to decide on a topic that described what we felt was society’s expectations of us, as we got to our Big Ages! However, not being one to allow society to dictate aspects of my life, I decided to write something a little bit… different. I don't quite recall my thought process 11 years ago when I first wrote for this series. But what I do know is that I did have expectations of what my life may look like, over a decade from then! As I maneuvered through life over those many, many years, a lot has changed. I've done things, seen things, and been through things that I definitely did not expect! I've discovered parts of me, and parts of my personality, that I didn't even know were there!

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Life Changes - Cleopatra

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Life Changes - Cleopatra

Hey younger Cleo,

This is you from 2022. You don’t know this yet, but you are in for an emotional rollercoaster. There will be times when you question yourself, God, life, family, and your career but you will make it through a tougher cookie. The road will not be easy and the scars will take years to heal. In the end, you will know that all good and bad things will come to an end. When you are my age, you will understand. When you turn 20, you will meet someone who will be by your side through all this fuck shit. I will not give much away regarding the relationship.

Just be patient.

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Life Changes - LDS

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Life Changes - LDS

The Great Pretender

I’ll never be enough, I’m worried, I’m infertile, I’m my own worst enemy, I’m scared everyone will know. These have been my morning mantras since I was diagnosed with an endocrine disorder 21 years ago that doctors had little to no research on. My prognosis, or at least how I heard it, you’ll never be good enough to fit the norms of society and enjoy the depression, anxiety, and infertility that come along with this diagnosis, amongst other health ailments that are other fun side effects.

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Life Changes - Chris

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Life Changes - Chris

WISDOM AND MATURITY?

So… I have written something for this exactly 12 times since my longtime friend, the illustrious Mr. Tramuel, graciously extended an invitation to participate. The previous 12 all have found the virtual circular file (or was it rectangular), and here I sit reliving my college experience of writing a paper the night before it is due. I was ecstatic about the invite, and I thought of the many ways that I could expound on the subject. Seeing that I am 52 but looking like a spry 51-year-old I thought that I could extol on my great escape from the grips of father time and how my way of life should be the blueprint for making it to the ripe old age of Methuselah. However, a quick visit to the mirror reminded me that I hadn’t escaped from father time unscathed. The gray in my beard and the spare tire quickly brought me back from my bourbon-induced hallucination and planted my feet firmly back into reality. It was very good bourbon though.

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Life Changes - Reginald

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Life Changes - Reginald

Most of my friends and colleagues have gotten married, had children, and their children are starting families while I have only been married once no children, and living a single life. The expectations of life not just socially but in most of our minds are to have a sustaining career, a loving family, and look forward to an empty nest where grandchildren come and bring life to a quiet living space. We are expected to be living comfortably and swearing at the mailman or bank if the retirement check is late.

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Life Changes - Davina

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Life Changes - Davina

I wish someone would have told me that adulting is complete BS. I would love to go back to high school days, or even my college years, where I had no responsibilities, was broke as hell, but yet still managed to travel, enjoy fine dining, and just have more free time to enjoy life. I am currently in my early 30s, SINGLE AF and FNF, and just getting started in my field of study, and when I say I have no life. I LITERALLY have no life. When I’m not at work, I’m at home, mainly sleeping or catching up on my “programs” like the old lady I am, and when I’m not home I’m working my ass off only to be living paycheck to paycheck…

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Life Changes - Nicole C.

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Life Changes - Nicole C.

LIFE CHANGES,

As Do Titles and Roles

As a single, motherless woman in the prime of life, with 19 nieces & nephews, and 8 grand-nieces & nephews – there’s a role that I have grown into amongst my Calvo Clan – that of “Auntie Nicci, The Cool Aunt”.

Trust me when I tell you that I never took myself for the one person that all my siblings’ children gravitate toward. To be frank, I’m not particularly nurturing or motherly or sweet, but for whatever reason these younger generations ask frequently to sleepover or hangout or have a bbq or have poker nights at my house at least twice a month.

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