Life Changes - Anonymous

Emotions and Health

If it's on your mind, it's on your body

Emotions are valuable and they deserve to be supported, not to be suppressed but to be understood.

Journaling is therapeutic.

Brian

Anonymous Journal Entry

I had an epiphany— an illuminating discovery, a realization.

I have a horrible relationship with my mom, which has come to a head.

I am finally waving the white flag.

I get it,

she would rather I not be in her life.

So be it.

Yes, it hurts but I am tired of trying. Breakdowns in my life can be attributable to the built-up animosity. My survival skills are in flight mode.

Mentally I sleep well at night but not without a sleeping aid.

Every single night.

Physically my shoulders stay tense and tight.

To the point, I'm having frequent headaches.

Emotionally I’ve developed a perspective to avoid conflict at all costs…

Have an issue with my son?

Threaten to send him to his dad.

Have a conflict with my fiancé?

Call off our engagement, throw on clothes and run to the nearest movie theatre to get away.

I don’t try to rationalize my thoughts. I immediately shut down and run for fear. My mind refuses to process what may have just happened. I suffer in silence because I don’t feel heard, seen, or loved. I revert to the younger me that wishes for a hug from grandma that would take the pain away.

I hate living like this. Internalizing shit will kill you. I’ve thought about ending my life. The thing that gives me hope is my kids. I would love for them to see a healthy version of me so they won't repeat my mistakes. I’d love for them to see me happy and smile more.

But God, how?

How do I release this anger so that my body will heal and I can live?

— Questions for my next therapy session.