Life Changes - AS Esq.

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Life Changes - AS Esq.

Oh Hey 39, Can We Do a Take 2?

Anger, loneliness, fear, anxiety, deep happiness, burning frustration…none of the adjectives I thought I’d be using to describe my world at 39 but the first ones that popped into my head.

You see at 39, I thought I’d be prepping in a big way for 40! I always viewed 39 as the pre-game for the big 4-0, where you line all up the fabulous things to fete at forty. Husband, kids, house, car, and travel points racked up. I’m supposed to be planning a girls' trip to somewhere luxurious or a big 40th!

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Transformation

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Transformation

With deep changes in two of my relationship categories; marriage and family (parent-child) I’ve been in my feelings about what it takes to have loving relationships. We can learn a lot from self-observation and while I did not find the keys to success, I do understand relationships can be ‘third entities.” Entities that can lead an existence independent of the will or desire of its partners or one that can prove far stronger than either individual.

Perhaps the prolific Dominican and African-American poet John David Jackson said it best…

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The Shape of Things

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The Shape of Things

Life taught me to see the best in people, and it’s driven me mental when people saw the worst in me. Would rather life said, show them the best in themselves because they forget that as well. Self-improvement is a two-way street. There’s a math to moving forward but the geometry (the mathematics of lines, shapes, and angles) always gets us down.

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October Observation #2

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October Observation #2

First Choice

What started as a joke with a my homie worker friend last week ended up as a vow to create a poll to see if women and men are with their first choice or if they've settled.

It started with random observations about nothing, yet everything concerning a few odd couple pairings, note I am using too me language -- The couples are in different stages of their relationships although most are planning weddings, recently married or have been dating for a long time.

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Don't Fall in Love, Fly in Love

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Don't Fall in Love, Fly in Love

Someone asked me "why did you get married?" and I answered with quick wit and a somewhat comical reply. A typical defense when someone asks you a question you're not sure how or simply unprepared to answer. 

"Michelle keeps food in the house and the utilities on." "Also, she is fine as fuck."

Them: "Seriously, and don't say for love."

The question was fielded by someone whom I share a lot with, there are often deep conversations where we opine about life and all of its ironic twist.

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A Beautiful Future

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A Beautiful Future

Thoughts On One Year of Marriage

I’ve shared the back story on Michelle and I, summarized here Falling In Love With Love  

I imagine most of the opportunities couples face when reuniting after a break present themselves as problems or issues they’ve had in the past. It is fair to say that emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean they forget, a (subconscious) trigger to protect them from future pain. 

Forgiveness does require letting go so that you can move on.  

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Ego Formation

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Ego Formation

According to Freud, our self-concept (our sense of ourselves, including our confidence, our pride, and our sense of attractiveness to others) stems from three sources:

  • The residue of our original primary narcissism, which never fully disappears.
  • Our fulfillment of the imagined expectations of our ideal ego [Example] Our sense of being virtuous.
  • Finally, the satisfaction we get when our love is returned to us.

Mr. TramueL's corollary; people need love, to be seen, heard, and understood.

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