Lose

The theme in my relationships during the past few weeks is centered around losing. All of you are weird so my non-romantic relationships.

I’m single, tell your single aunties about me.

Consider "lose" on a micro level. A loss of enthusiasm, phone, wallet, cash, keys, headphones, sunglasses, mind… not to be outdone by any of you, I recently lost air pressure in my rear driver-side tire.

Losing things is deflating and weighs you down emotionally.

I care about y’all and my concern for the ordinary thing that you’ve lost turns me into an archeologist and before I get on with the business of helping you dig to find it; I began to meditate penetratingly on one of life’s peculiarities— How long does something have to be missing before it is actually lost? Do we apply the ten-second rule as we do with food that touches the floor and kiss it up to God? or is it the actual time it takes for us to realize it is missing?

Is it only me that can become fixated on finding the ordinary thing that was lost? Like don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t send me nudes. I’ve stayed home from work, canceled plans, or otherwise searched for the thing longer than it would take for me to replace it.

I Am not a psychologist, however, I portrayed one in a High School play and a theory is better than its explanation. I have a few theories that help to explain this irrational behavior. The lost thing poses a challenge to us, in the same way that looking for “it” in hide and go get it. Looking for something lost is like dating, you take someone out once or twice, and then they disappear on you. Going to the Apple store and buying a new remote is not as fun as spending hours on end turning my place upside down trying to remember where I last had this ordinary thing or playing lead investigator accusing everyone of stealing it.

Maybe it is fear - a state of anxious arousal associated with an expectation. Ego, must of us have a big one, a lot of what we believe we can and cannot do, what we are or aren't capable of, and what we are or aren't entitled to in life is shaped by our ego-identity and our need to protect and preserve it.

Find

When faced with the choice between changing our minds and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy with the proof.

Science.

We find things either by accident, cursing, or spinning the block on all our ops. Although far more time-consuming, spinning the block is much more satisfying than finding it on accident. Searching long and hard (pause) for your op creates an agitated anticipation and a tension that is perfectly eased when found. Finding a lost object in this manner strengthens the belief that we are in control of our lives (ego) it emboldens us, we never really lost this ordinary thing, it was simply misplaced.

I know I’m not the problem, ‘cause they always come back. Sometimes more than twice. My toxic trait is – I allow it, just to prove they’re… I mean this ordinary thing that I lost is not done with me.

On the other hand, accidentally finding this ordinary thing has the opposite consequence. We must deal with the fear that our carefully crafted self-concept might collapse. We lose something by chance, we thoroughly look for it with no success, and one day it turns up.

I B’ wondering what happens to all the ordinary things that are lost and never found.

Ordinary things being lost are not only deflating, but they also have a hopeless influence on human interactions. How many dates never happened because the phone numbers that were exchanged couldn't be found

Awkwardly, that ordinary thing being lost is rarely a sufficient explanation for why it is missing. And yet, some things that maybe should have been lost, like my last two ‘situationships’, somehow managed not to get lost at all.

The theories here are true, don’t be misled by facts.

I Am