The theme over the past few weeks is dependency. 

“…our independence is equal, our dependence mutual, and our obligations reciprocal”

Y'all know how this works— When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall and in the back of my mind I hear my conscious call. One thought leads to one million and I consider the observations and personal conversations I've had over the past few weeks.

The easiest to write about, personal experience probably, is hyper-independence; difficulty trusting others, difficulty forming close or long-term relationships with others, delegating to others, or asking for help from others. I believe we act this way as a stress response triggered by a fear of rejection or a distressing experience making it difficult to trust others. I’m using to me language. 

Count how many times I used others in that paragraph. Never mind, I'll do it myself.

The most challenging to write about is interdependence. Interdependent comes from the Latin word “inter” meaning between, and “dependere” which means "be dependent on." When two people are interdependent, they have a sense of dependency between them.

Dependence: The state of relying on or needing someone/thing for aid, support, or the like.

Interdependence: The dependence of two or more people or things on each other.

Interdependence Theory

Two observations concerning interdependent relationships: The level of dependence and the mutuality of dependence.

TramueL’s Law: A Theory Is Better Than Its Explanation

We experience different interdependence histories. Her/His Story, not only romantic but also relationships with parents, siblings, and friends. Despite our varied histories, most of us come to recognize several important principles about dependence…

Life experiences are interpersonal. We are dependent on companionship, intimacy, and sex. We understand that meeting these needs exposes us to vulnerability and believe that excessive reliance on someone can be foolish.

Because Brian is dependent on his relationship with Halle Berry, he develops intentions to persist with Halle Berry, he foresees long-term involvement with Halle Berry, and he feels effectively linked to Halle Berry and their relationship.

We tend to be aware of our feelings of commitment, whereas we may or may not be aware of our dependence. How does commitment differ from dependence tho’? Dependence refers to the structural aspect indicating how much an individual relies on a relationship, while commitment represents the daily subjective experience felt by those dependent individuals.

Biochemistry.

The opportunity here is that the more committed partner is likely to experience a run of negative emotions— anxiety, insecurity, and mistrust. The less committed partner is likely to experience a mix of negative emotions— unwanted responsibility, irritation, and maybe even resentment or anger. Possibly reproachable. 

Everyday behavior in relationships is influenced by subjective commitment rather than structural dependence.

Astrobiology.

I believe the tendency of truth, on this subject, is to equalize the sexes; and that, when truth directs us, there will be no longer assumed authority on one side, or admitted inferiority on the other; but that as we advance in the cultivation of all our powers, physical as well as intellectual and moral, we shall see that our independence is equal, our dependence mutual, and our obligations reciprocal.

-Lucretia Mott