“I want you to be happy.”

I’m experiencing amnesia and DeJa’Vu at the same time. I think I’ve written about this before.

Feeling happy for a friend who has prospered, a family member buying a new home, or your kids delighting in your grandchild learning how to walk. I discovered a new concept with compersion, the sincere involvement in the happiness of others. It is the compassionate joy we feel for somebody else, even when their favorable experience does not apply to or aid us. Fundamentally, it expresses deep friendship and support, viewing other people as intrinsically autonomous and self-determined, celebrating their route to fulfillment.

The gift and the opportunity here, read: romantic interest, is when we desire someone to fulfill our lives. S/He is not going to provide. They may make us want to be better. They may take the time to emote and understand us.

We can get that from family or friends. Fulfillment comes from something deeper.

I’ve been single for three years and not actively dating. I find fulfillment in being of service to others, focusing on cultivating and strengthening friendships. During my singleness, some dynamic women came into my life. Leading me to believe I was ready for a romantic relationship.

I was not.

I recognize some of the friendships maintained tended to change whenever I carved out space for someone romantically. I understand my role in enabling their behavior by always being available.

No boundaries.

Compersion is the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness when a friend experiences happiness and growth from an intimate relationship with someone else. I find it curious when people tell us they want us to be happy, but only if it is attached to them facilitating it, Read: It is the compassionate joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly.

Covertly,

Me